Make sure your remote has a mute button!


House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy (R-Calif.) said on Sunday that GOP Reps. Doug Collins (Ga.), John Ratcliffe (Texas) and Jim Jordan (Ohio) should represent President Trump in the upcoming Senate impeachment trial.

Wait, what? Now shitheads paid by taxpayers are supposed to defend Twitler? There are no attorneys in the White House Counsel Office? What about Twitler’s private attorneys…oops! I forgot that they are either in jail or under investigation because the SDNY is so jealous of him. I wonder what’s next. Will Rethugs insist that Chief Justice John Roberts wears a MAGA hat and T-shirt when he presides over what may or may not be a trial?

the three stooges disorder in the court

Original movie poster

All three members named by McCarthy were vocal defenders of Trump during the House’s impeachment hearings, including Collins, who is ranking member on the House Judiciary Committee, and Jordan, who serves on the Judiciary panel and was also temporarily transferred to the House Intelligence Committee for its portion of the impeachment hearings.

Ratcliffe, a former federal prosecutor, was nominated to replace Dan Coats as Director of National Intelligence in July following his questioning of special counsel Robert Mueller, but withdrew his nomination amid reports that he had embellished his prosecutorial record.

What was it Ratcliffe embellished (what a nice word when lied his fucking face off would have been more descriptive)? Well, kids, here’s a reminder:

Ratsy moved to a hoity-toity suburb of Dallas, got a job with the Justice Department and also was elected mayor of the aforementioned hoity-toity suburb. He was named the anti-terrorism chief in the federal prosecutor’s office in eastern Texas, where they must draw names from a hat, because he had no experience whatsoever in anti-terrorism, only in hoity-toityism. Then he was named acting U.S. attorney to fill a vacancy. He was never nominated by anyone and never confirmed by the Senate. He used all that experience to run for Congress. He bragged about managing dozens of terrorist investigations. That was total bullshit, but Texans love bullshit, and they elected him. When he ran for reelection, he bragged about rounding up immigrant poultry plant workers (the workers were immigrants, not the poultry) in 2008 when he was still a federal prosecutor. A company called Pilgrim’s Pride was suspected of using stolen Social Security numbers in order to employ undocumented workers. Ratsy claimed he” arrested over 300 illegal immigrants in a single day!” That was total bullshit, too. The operation was run by ICE with the assistance of five U.S. attorney’s offices in five states. In Ratsy’s office, only 45 workers were charged, and six of those cases were dismissed. Two of the workers were American citizens. This is from the Texas Tribune from February 8, 2019:

Two people involved in the planning or execution of the enforcement effort said they could not recall Ratcliffe playing a central role.

A.J. Irwin, a former immigration investigator who was involved in the early planning stages before retiring, said in an interview that the operation was a costly failure.


“At the end of the day, it did not deliver,” Irwin said. “It was the biggest waste of money and hype.”

As for Ratsy replacing Dan Coats, this is from the same article:

Some current and former intelligence officials have said Ratcliffe is the least-qualified person ever nominated to oversee the country’s intelligence agencies — previous directors have been former diplomats, senior intelligence officials and military leaders — and questioned whether he would use the position to serve Trump’s political interests.

You know what, on second thought, let these clowns be Twitler’s defense attorneys.


Oh, and before I forget, don’t strain your precious little eyeballs, kids. In the corner of the poster, the credits read as follows:

Directed by Twitler

Casting by Kevin McCarthy

Story & Screenplay by Putin



Filed under Congress, House Intelligence Committee, House Judiciary Committee, humor, Immigration, Impeachment, John Roberts, movies, parody, politics, Republicans, Robert Mueller, satire, snark, Texas, Vladimir Putin, Wordpress Political Blogs

8 responses to “Make sure your remote has a mute button!

  1. Those three so closely resemble the original Three Stooges that one has to study it a bit to see that a substitution has been made.

    where they must draw names from a hat, because he had no experience whatsoever in anti-terrorism

    There are countries where any opposition to the ruling regime has been de facto re-defined as constituting terrorism. I guess they were looking forward to when Trump gets to that point.

    Ratcliffe is the least-qualified person ever nominated to oversee the country’s intelligence agencies

    It’s a good thing Obama did such a good job of stamping out al-Qâ’idah that you hardly hear about them any more. Ratcliffe does sound like the ideal person to represent Trump, though — a Potemkin bigot.

    I do question whether Tin-of-Pu would have written this screenplay. He tends to solve problems like this with poison.

  2. therub

    nancy pelosi should just declare what the rest of us have known for years, that our government no longer works. there will never be a fair trial so no need to send over the articles of impeachment. that would just be enabling bad behavior. a more productive use of our time would be to continue the investigations and use any new evidence of corruption in the 2020 campaign. hopefully enough people will walk up to go vote this time to remove these imbeciles from office.

  3. Sherry Shirk

    Merry Ho Ho Ho, nonnie. You’ve captured my greatest fear – four screamers of the Donopolous. I know you don’t often put your work of Twitter but as a gift to that place which took me in when Kos threw me out,( “can I get a witness”) I’m hoping you’re going to share this there. Hugs, love you, Sherry, corpse of Lying Eyes.

  4. Not surprised at all to see these loudmouths at the counsel’s table. Senators will not be allowed to bellow and howl at will, so this is the only way they can continue their fawning performances before the cameras. As the old saying goes, “a man who is his own lawyer has a fool for a client.” I’ll rephrase that to say that only a fool would have these buffoons defending him. I don’t suppose there is one real lawyer left who would take on his defense.

    Happy Holidays to you and all the raisinettes, Nonnie, and thank you for all your exemplary and hilarious work this year.

  5. Love the idea of three total incompetents. Of course that is the best that they can do. If these folks really do appear I am pretty sure that they will continue to lie and be blatant a- holes. This saga, if one can be so bold to call it that, just keeps getting more inane as more of the fruit cakes crawl out of the woodwork.

  6. I hope all the Raisinettes had a wonderful Xmas. I apologize for not answering you sooner, but there was a death in the family. I’m fine, but I wasn’t in the mood for blogging.

    Stay safe and warm, my dear Raisinettes. ❤