Eddie Munster…I mean, Paul Ryan gets axed by Edd…I mean, Paul Ryan!

I’m sure by now you kids have heard that Eddie Mun…I mean, Paul Ryan has decided that he will not seek reelection and will leave his position as Speaker of the House at the end of his term in January. He gave a heartwarming statement, interrupted by the tears of his fellow Rethuglicans and the dancing of Kevin McCarthy who thinks he has a shot at the speakership. Here are snippets from Munst…I mean Ryan’s speech:

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A Barrel of Gaffes

From the Sun Sentinel:

On her fourth day at the center of a struggle with President Donald Trump and his chief of staff, Congresswoman Frederica Wilson said Friday she has no regrets about anything she’s done or said this week — and said she’s amazed at what’s transpired.

Wilson received major vindication Friday with video showing White House Chief of Staff John Kelly was completely wrong about claims he made about the South Florida congresswoman.

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Bye Bye Batshit!!!!!

Hi kids!  Long time, no see.  Yeah, I know it’s my fault.  I wouldn’t be here today, but I couldn’t say no to Raisinette FOTC.  She asked me to commemorate the exit of Batshit Bachmann from her too-long tenure in Congress and public life in general.  She requested that I use Bye Bye Birdie and not to mention that she sings Put on a Happy Face in the shower.  OOPS!!  So let me see if I remember how to do this.

From CNN Politics:

Washington (CNN) — Rep. Michele Bachmann says now that she’s leaving Congress, she can “take the handcuffs off.”

…snip…

Bachmann had harsh words for House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio), calling Thursday night’s vote to pass a government funding bill — which Bachmann opposed — the most consequential of her four terms. She voted against the bill Thursday.

She said Boehner had linked arms with President Barack Obama to avert a government shutdown without defunding Obama’s executive action overhauling U.S. immigration rules. “The cake was baked months ago,” she said.

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Brat-worst!

Kids, I don’t know whether to laugh or cry (Boohoo Boehner always goes with the latter). Do we celebrate the demise of Widdle Ewic Cantor’s political career, or do we mourn the fact that Teabagger fruitcake David Brat just might be the next asswipe in Congress?

 

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Branding Iron(y)

From THE CHRISTIAN SCIENCE MONITOR:

Eric Cantor, the often combative second-ranking Republican in the U.S. House of Representatives, sought on Tuesday to rebrand himself and his party, voicing hope that they can work with President Barack Obama for the sake of all Americans.

While not wavering from his conservative principles and desire to tame the record U.S. debt, Cantor expressed a new eagerness to help the needy in such areas as education, health care, immigration and moving up the economic ladder.

“Over the next two years, the House (Republican) majority will pursue an agenda based on a shared vision of creating the conditions for health, happiness and prosperity for more Americans and their families,” Cantor said in a speech to the American Enterprise Institute, a Washington think tank.

Because Widdle Ewic and his merry band of Ayn Randian teabaggers are all about health, happiness, and prosperity for everyone [insert eyeroll here].

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(From Left to right in back, top row: Paul Broun, Trent Franks, Joe Wilson. Bottom row: Louie Gohmert, Steve King)

Bloodsuckers

Hey kids!  I’m poking my head out of the computer/carpal tunnel doldrums rabbit hole.  How could I not post something now that Mitt Romney has selected his running mate?  I’m still having massive computer problems (it turns off constantly with no warning whatsoever), so I figured I’d dust off some old posters that are once again relevant.  Let’s begin with the new team, Mittsie and Eddie Munster Paul Ryan…

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Well, at least Grandpa Dick Cheney will be happy…

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Fundy-mental

From THINK PROGRESS LGBT:

In just her first year in office, Rep. Vicky Hartzler (R-MO) has proven to be one of the most socially conservative members of Congress, and today she demonstrated just how intolerant she is of people who do not share her beliefs. In an interview, she and the Family Research Council’s Tony Perkins were condemning the Air Force Academy for creating an outdoor worship space that accommodates “Earth-based” religions. Hartzler said she believes that her rabidly conservative brand of Christianity is “the main religion in our country” and condemned any attempt to accommodate “fringe religions”:

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Bronzo the Clown Has Bawls!

From THE HUFFINGTON POST:

His sniffles began during the speech, but it wasn’t until after House Speaker John Boehner (R-Ohio) stepped down from the podium during a Wednesday ceremony at the Capitol that the bawling started.

Boehner was one of several Hill leaders who gave remarks at an event honoring astronauts John Glenn, Neil Armstrong, Michael Collins and Buzz Aldrin with the Congressional Gold Medal. Congress approved the medal in July 2009 to mark the 40th anniversary of the Apollo 11 moon landing.

“Neil Armstrong was once asked: Why did you, this one man, choose to speak for all when you set foot on the lunar surface? As it turns out, there was no script, there were no notes,” Boehner said. “When the moment came, Neil’s thoughts turned to the 400,000 people who worked on the project…. He said he knew ‘it would be a big something for all those folks and a lot of others who weren’t even involved in the project.’ So it was.”

And then, as Boehner lined up to present Armstrong with his medal in front of the crowd, the weeping began.

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