Junior High Journalism

From Joe Coscarelli at Press Clips (blog) at the village VOICE:

As interest in Anthony Weiner’s penis and the dirty messages that brought it out to play begins to wane, we focus instead on the media coverage of Anthony Weiner, thereby proliferating Anthony Weiner coverage. Hm! It’s a conundrum, especially for those who go on television to proclaim, “The degree of piling on: the way it hijacks cable news, the way it hijacks the morning shows, the way it is all over the Internet says to me that we are more interested in covering salacious topics than matters of the economy, on matters of war and peace,” while simultaneously writing for a news organization doing just that. Oh, hello there — Howard Kurtz, is that you? Why yes, it is.

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The Mane Event

Back in January of last year, I wrote a diary over at the Big Orange with suggested hairstyles for whackadoodle (I mean, allegedly whackadoodle) Illinois ex-governor, Rod Blagojevich.  I wanted to make sure he made a good impression on the jury.  Yesterday, we talked about Carly Fiorina and her remark about Barbara Boxer’s hairdo being “so yesterday.” Now, we know that Carly’s hair is growing out after undergoing treatment for breast cancer, so I thought we would try to help her pick out a new style, if for no other reason than to show how bipartisan my advice is.

Here’s the first suggestion. Marge Simpson is a stay-at-home mother of three. I think that would sell well with the Tea Party base and evangelicals.

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I Guess He Rubbed Him the *Right* Way

From Miami New Times:

The male escort hired by anti-gay activist George Alan Rekers has told Miami New Times the Baptist minister is a homosexual who paid him to provide body rubs once a day in the nude, during their ten-day vacation in Europe.

Rekers allegedly named his favorite maneuver the “long stroke” — a complicated caress “across his penis, thigh… and his anus over the butt cheeks,” as the escort puts it. “Rekers liked to be rubbed down there,” he says.

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Brand Spankin’ Ewww!

Hey kids, sorry, but just another old American Street post. Oh well, it’s kinda fun to see what was going on a while back and remind ourselves when the present troubles in this country really started. Besides, I miss Larry Craig. This post is from May 20, 2008.

Brand Spankin’ Ewww!

Hey, kids! Did you hear that the Republicans are a bit worried about their party these days (well, except for John Boo-Hoo Boehner)? I’ll let Tom Davis (R-VA) tell you about it:

The House Republican brand is so bad right now that if it were a dog food, they’d take it off the shelf.

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More from Rep. Davis…

It’s no mystery. You have a very unhappy electorate, which is no surprise, with oil at $108 a barrel, stocks down a few thousand points, a war in Iraq with no end in sight and a president who is still very, very unpopular. He’s just killed the Republican brand.

Well, kids, you know that I am always ready to help out our friends on the other side of the aisle. If they need a new brand, I will help them look!

‘Roid Rage

Hey kids! Remember the Singing Senators? They broke up after Trent Lott pulled a Sarah Palin resigned, and Larry Craig tapped his Buster Browns in the wrong men’s room. Well, according to me my anonymous sources, a few of the musical Republicans on the Senate Finance Committee have formed a new group! They’re called Pink ‘Roids. No, not these kinds of roids, the kind you need this stuff for. I’m guessing they picked that name, because they’re always so red and irritated and angry. Anyway, they have a new video out! They really rock!

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(back row, left to right: John Cornyn (R-Easter Island [see below]), John Romeo Ensign, Orrin Down The Hatch, Chuck Your Ass Is Grassley. front row: Jim ZZZZZ Bunning)

To the tune of Another Brick in the Wall (Pink Floyd)”:

We don’t need no legislation
Break Obama: that’s our goal
We love each campaign donation
Listen as we bitch and moan
Hey! Congress! Leave Cigna alone!
All in all, we’re gonna just continue to stall.
Overall it’s just another game of beanball.
♪ ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪ ♫

Oh, the Horror!

From THE GAGGLE at Newsweek:

The last time we saw Tom DeLay, he was a scandal-ridden leper slinking back to Texas with nothing left but that giant, threatening smile that made even people who liked him kind of hate him. He had lost it all─his post as house majority leader, his congressional seat, his standing reservation at Signatures, Jack Abramoff’s expense-account lunchery for Republicans headed for ignominy, or prison, or both. Perhaps worst of all, DeLay had lost his mojo as “The Hammer,” the one guy you didn’t dare cross on Capitol Hill and expect to survive. Until the end, he cast himself as a victim of power-hungry Democrats, even though it was Republicans who ultimately threw him overboard. He knew how it worked—after all, he’d done the same thing to Newt Gingrich. And so DeLay went, but he didn’t like it, and like a character straight out of a Sergio Leone spaghetti Western, he promised to get justice and clear his name. “I’ll be back,” DeLay vowed.

Turns out he was right. Last night Tom DeLay made his comeback, and truly, it was a low moment in our nation’s long and stormy history, by which we mean it was totally and completely awesome in every imaginable way.

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Scandalapalooza!

With the recent focus on Mark Sanford and John Ensign (before they killed Michael Jackson to get reporters off their backs), the spotlight is once again upon past scandals of those in the party of family values. I thought we would take a stroll down memory lane…

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By the way, kids, the woman pictured is Cindy Hampton, Ensign’s married ex-mistress.

Shhh! It’s a secret!

From The Plum Line:

A rather intriguing reaction from one of John Ensign’s Senate GOP colleagues to the news of Ensign’s extramarital affair:

“I think he will be welcomed back by his colleagues and go back to being a good senator,” said Sen. Lindsey Graham, who said Ensign shouldn’t have resigned his leadership spot.

Graham downplayed the political impact this would have on the GOP, saying, “Most Americans look at this as a personal situation.”

Graham let out a laugh and said: “I’ve got plenty of sins that I’m not going to share with anyone else.”

Sins? Well, kids, you know that your intrepid reporter (that would be me) cannot let that go without an investigation. Through my sources, I was able to obtain a photograph of what goes on when the Senate Republican are not voting no or making speeches about why they voted no.

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(With a little bit of help from this poster)