Category Archives: Mr. Whipple

Forget Pennsylvania Avenue, Think *Madison* Avenue!

From CBS News:

[…] President Obama has been playing the role of bipartisan salesman in chief as he has lobbied night and day to sell his economic stimulus plan. He has staked his first 100 days in office on the stimulus bill, and he will make the sale.

Last night, during his first prime time press conference, Mr. Obama aimed his stimulus rhetoric at his predecessor and Congress.

He told the American people, “I can’t afford to see Congress play the usual political games. What we have to do right now is deliver for the American people. So my bottom line when it comes to the recovery package is: Send me a bill that creates or saves 4 million jobs.”

And he warned, “If you delay acting on an economy of this severity, then you potentially create a negative spiral that becomes much more difficult for us to get out of.”

I hate to interrupt, but that fancy talk is all well and good, but you have to remember who you’re talking to, Mr. President. The American consumer doesn’t respond to logic and common sense. We like slogans and flashy spokespeople. But don’t worry, Mr. Prez, I’m here to help! The first thing I would suggest is that you use a snappy nickname for the American Recovery and Reinvestment Plan, and I don’t mean Stimulus! I think this will work much better:

shamwow

I bet not even the staunchest Rethuglican will be able to resist Stimwow!
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Filed under Advertising, Arlen Specter, Barack Obama, Ben Nelson, Congress, Democrats, humor, Joe Lieberman, Mr. Whipple, parody, politics, Republicans, snark, Susan Collins, television, Wordpress Political Blogs

Like a Whiny Stoned Cowboy

B-Rod, in his own words:

I’m here to explain my position about the proceedings that are beginning on Monday, and explain some of the thinking behind the decision that I made and give you some insight on it.

Let me say that this is not an act of defiance; in fact, just the opposite. But there are huge, big issues at stake with regard to the proceedings starting on Monday, specifically with regard to the rules and the process that those proceedings provide for.

…snip…

Specifically, I’m talking about two rules — Rule 15F, which by all intents and purposes prevents me from calling in witnesses like presidential Chief of Staff Rahm Emanuel, from top presidential staffer Valerie Jarrett, from Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. and a whole series of other witnesses that I would eagerly call to testify under oath to show that I have done nothing inappropriate with regard to the decision to pick a United States senator.

…snip…

But even if I could call those witnesses, the more onerous rule is Rule 8B. Rule 8B essentially says that the charges that the House bring in a report — that was not cross-examined, not challenged, not confronted — that those very charges cannot be challenged, cannot be contested, cannot be refuted.

…snip…

Now, I like old movies and I like old cowboy movies, and I want to explain how these rules work in a more understandable way. There was an old saying in the Old West. There was a cowboy who was charged with stealing a horse in town. And some of the other cowboys, especially the guy whose horse was stolen, were very unhappy with that guy. And one of the cowboys said, “Let’s hang him.” Then the other cowboys said, “Hold on. Before we hang him, let’s first give him a fair trial. Then we’ll hang him.” Under these rules, I’m not even getting a fair trial. They’re just hanging me. And when they hang me under these rules, that prevent due process, they’re hanging the 12 million people of Illinois who twice have elected a governor.


Original DVD cover.
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Filed under Dennis Hastert, humor, Idaho, Imus, Media Matters, movies, Mr. Whipple, parody, Pat Roberts, politics, Pope, SCHIP, snark, Wordpress Political Blogs, World Bank

But He’s Still Not Gay…

Here we go again, kids!
From the Idaho Statesman (Hey, kids! They have audio interviews over there!):

David Phillips. Mike Jones. Greg Ruth. Tom Russell.

Four gay men, willing to put their names in print and whose allegations can’t be disproved, have come forward since news of U.S. Sen. Larry Craig’s guilty plea. They say they had sex with Craig or that he made a sexual advance or that he paid them unusual attention.

They are telling their stories now because they are offended by Craig’s denials, including his famous statement, “I am not gay, I never have been gay.” Those words, spoken on live national TV on Aug. 28, are now memorialized on a just-released-for-Christmas Talking Senator Larry Craig Action Figure.


Original DVD cover.
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Filed under Homophobia, Homosexuality, humor, Larry Craig, movies, Mr. Whipple, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, snark, Ted Haggard, Wordpress Political Blogs

He Could Have Kept His Seat, if He Hadn’t Used the Throne

WASHINGTON (MarketWatch) — Idaho Sen. Larry Craig, facing sharp criticism from fellow Republicans in the wake of his June arrest in an airport men’s room, will announce his resignation Saturday, according to news reports.

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Original DVD cover.
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Filed under David Vitter, Gay rights, Homosexuality, humor, Larry Craig, movies, Mr. Whipple, parody, politics, Republicans, Scandals, snark