Well, kids, the worst has happened (until the next worst happens), and Jeff Beauregard Sessions is now the Attorney General of the United States. Since the Department of Justice has a new
dickhead, it should have a new seal to reflect his values.
From The Boston Globe:
WASHINGTON — The Senate on Tuesday confirmed school choice advocate Betsy DeVos as Education secretary by the narrowest of margins, with Vice President Mike Pence breaking a 50-50 tie in a historic vote.
Two Republicans joined Democrats in the unsuccessful effort to derail the nomination of the wealthy Republican donor. The Senate historian said Pence’s vote was the first by a vice president to break a tie on a Cabinet nomination.
I was watching TV news this morning, and up popped a picture of Mike Pence. I don’t know what was being discussed, because all I could think of was how much he resembles an egg. Maybe you can blame it on the fact that I hadn’t had breakfast yet, or maybe it’s because….
See what I mean, kids? I wasn’t yolking. Suddenly, everything made a little more sense!
(Uh oh! Ham isn’t kosher. What about Ivanka?)
So, anyhoo, Vice President Ovum was on Meet the Press today. Keep reading and find out how he got egg all over his face!
Just kidding, there’s nothing good here, just the alternative…
Wanted to introduce a couple of new hires in Twitler/President Bannon’s world who will fit right in with Kellyanne Alternative Facts Conway, Sean Shitstain Spicer and three-time-loser of The Apprentice Omarosa Manigault (I thought Tangerine Tyrant didn’t like losers).
By the way, do you like the way everyone is dressed?
Steve Bannon. Do I need to say more? Hell, no! Because I can sing instead!!
🎼 If my lips move, then I’m lyin’
Or I’m Holocaust denyin’,
Don’t care if that’s profane,
Because hour by hour,
I’m amassing so much power,
All of D.C.’s my domain.♫
Shoutout to our newest Raisinette, EPIC GOP Fail, whom you can follow on Twitter, as I do. EPIC tweeted that we needed a new graphic to measure the new GOP crazy. I was inspired, because all Raisinettes know that I never shirk my duty when called to do the public a service. Behold, the new Terror Alert Color Coded System, just like the old one that has kept us so safe.
David Brooks gave St. Ronald Reagan a tongue bath before he got to this:
The mood of the party is so different today. Donald Trump expressed the party’s new mood to David Muir of ABC, when asked about his decision to suspend immigration from some Muslim countries: “The world is a mess. The world is as angry as it gets. What, you think this is going to cause a little more anger? The world is an angry place.”
Someone who used the name El Jamon from New York posted this response. I wish I knew who he was so I could give him a giant hug:
I am not a wealthy man. According to Donald Trump, I would be a loser. I changed diapers. I am an attentive, nurturing father. I built a modest business. I am devoted to my spouse. We’ve been through thick and thin, better or worse and we still remain devoted and deeply in love. Our home is modest. Our car is not luxurious. I served my country and paid for college myself, without ever taking a loan or dime from my parents. And I am happy because I am grateful. Every single day, I am grateful for this life, better or worse, rich or poor. I’m even grateful for the trials and struggles I’ve had. I’m grateful for the wisdom life’s difficulties and set backs have provided. The man in the gilded tower is not grateful.