Red Meat & the Meathead

From TIME Swampland:

Michele Bachmann is ambling through the aisles of a cramped meat locker in an industrial section of Des Moines. Massive sides of beef, weighing up to 950 lbs., hang from hooks near the ceiling and droplets of blood pool on the frigid floor. You can see your breath. Bundled in a blue coat, a string of pearls around her neck glittering in the low light, Bachmann trades small talk and gamely slices slabs of rib eye in the cutting room. “My grandfather owned a meat market in Iowa,” she tells the manager of the family-owned meatpacking plant, which has operated since 1869 and employs six workers. It is a perfectly scripted set piece for Bachmann, whose two-day swing through the Hawkeye State this week is designed to accentuate her blue-collar, Midwestern bona fides, her connection to Iowans and her commitment to the retail politicking it takes to win the state’s first-in-the-nation caucus this winter. When you want to win Iowa, this is the type of place you spend a drizzly Tuesday morning.

And all blue-collar Midwestern girls wear open-toed strappy high heels in cold and bloody meat lockers.

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Waterloony

From The Slatest:

UPDATE:  Michele Bachmann defended her presidential campaign on Tuesday after making a gaffe in which she incorrectly claimed she shared a hometown with the actor John Wayne, a verbal slip up that left many wondering whether she was confused with “clown killer” John Wayne Gacy.

“The main point that I was making are the sensibilities of John Wayne, which is patriotism, love of country standing up for our nation,” Bachmann explained to CNN. “That positive enthusiasm is what America’s all about, and that’s of course my main point.”

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Lipstick on a Pygmalion

(CNN) – The campaign veteran who has signed up to run Rep. Michele Bachmann’s expected bid for the Republican presidential nomination says the congresswoman from Minnesota would be a formidable candidate in the Iowa caucuses.

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He Wants to Have His Candy and Eat It, Too

FromPOLITICO:

Former Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee, who said last month that he had reached the decision not to enter the 2012 race after intense prayer, says that doesn’t take him out of the veepstakes.

“Everything is still open. I haven’t closed doors. I found long ago that that’s not the smart thing to do,” Huckabee told reporters in Little Rock, after a speech at the Clinton Presidential Library.

Huckabee opted against a run for the GOP presidential nomination in mid-May, telling viewers of his Fox News show “My heart says no.”

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2 Idiots, No Waiting

From Bloomberg:

It was supposed to have been a big moment for Representative Michele Bachmann of Minnesota — headlining a Republican dinner in Des Moines, Iowa’s largest city, ahead of a potential presidential campaign announcement next month.

Then a late vote in Congress kept her in Washington last night and a political shadow appeared, as Sarah Palin announced a multiday East Coast campaign-style bus tour that will kick off with a May 29 appearance at a motorcycle rally for veterans in Washington.

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Pawlenty of Nuthin’

From The New York Times:

WAVERLY, Iowa — The scene had all the makings of an American Gothic painting from Iowa’s own Grant Wood. A red and white barn served as the backdrop. A cornfield was in the distance. And a politician spoke of making the country great again.

For this loyal Republican crowd, the setting was a familiar one. The opening line was not.

“I’m very thankful for my red-hot smoking wife, the first lady of Minnesota,” said Gov. Tim Pawlenty, pointing to his wife, Mary, who was standing a few feet away.

Oh, those crazy Rethugs and their undying respect for women!
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WTF, Huck and Chuck?

Hey, kids!! I bet you all watched with rapt fascination the goings-on in Iowa yesterday. I know that I couldn’t tear myself away from the tv set! No, really, I couldn’t. Damn Superglue! Last time I ever try repairing a knickknack and changing the channels at the same time. Anyhoo, did you catch the Scabby McHuckleberry acceptance speech? Dont’cha just love it when the candidate surrounds himself with the people who love him the most and whom he most loves? There was Scabby making his speech, and just like Nancy looked lovingly at Ronnie, the love of Scabby’s life beamed at him in his moment of glory….
No, not Janet!
Though didn’t she did look lovely on camera with her lovely suit straight off the haute coutere rack at Walmart?
This is who I’m talkin’ about!