The Saga of Bristol and Levi

Since Bristol Palin decided to shake her derriere on Dancing With the Stars, she and her mother can’t bellyache about her being a private person and, therefore, immune from scrutiny. I thought we’d take a look at the love story that was Bristol and Levi Johnston. It begins, I suppose, with what the two were doing right under the noses of Princess Sarah and Toddy, Fundy Christian Abstinence-only Parents of the Year…

Original image

All Other Grifters Palin Comparison

From THE HUFFINGTON POST:

Sarah Palin aligns her public image with the heartland, but it appears the former Alaska Governor has gone Hollywood. And when she leaves, she may be taking some of it with her.

On top of an appearance on the Tonight Show and rumors that she’s shopping around a TV show with reality producer Mark Burnett, Palin and her entourage were seen partaking in one of celebrity’s lushest rituals — the Oscar gifting suite.

While the group was loading up on freebies, the Los Angeles Times reported that, “Palin’s middle child, Willow, got her hair styled […].”

You kids know how I’m always anxious to help.  I’ve already thought of a name for Princess’s reality show!

Original DVD cover

Payback is a Real Bitch, but so is Princess Sarah!

From the Anchorage Daily News:

Levi Johnston, the former fiance of Gov. Sarah Palin’s daughter Bristol, on Thursday joined the crowd offering up potential reasons for Palin’s decision to step down.

Johnston met with reporters to say that he heard her musing about a better life, one in which she could spend more time at home, reduce her stress, and accept the lucrative offers coming her way.

Original DVD cover.

The only thing she doesn’t quit is quitting!

From Michael Carey at the Los Angeles Times (Op-Ed):

Reporting from Anchorage — Sarah Palin’s career as governor of Alaska is over. So is her barely begun career as a serious presidential candidate. The road map to the White House doesn’t include a stop at “I quit.”

In a truly Palinesque moment near the end of her speech in Wasilla on Friday, the departing governor quoted a saying she said her parents kept on their refrigerator. “Don’t explain: Your friends don’t need it, and your enemies won’t believe you anyway.”

The governor might have done better to take her cue from another piece of refrigerator wisdom: “Quitters never win, and winners never quit.”

Original DVD cover.

The Shtickado

With apologies to Gilbert and Sullivan. To the tune of The Mikado‘s Tit Willow:

Original image.

On a late-night talk show, Let-ter-man made a joke,
About Bristol, not Willow, not Willow!
Sarah acted so mad, you’d think she’d have a stroke,
The silliness be-gan to billow.
I have to ask, Sarah, why oh why do you rave?
Is it simply to get the attention you crave?
If it is, don’t continue attacking poor Dave,
It’s about you, not Bristol, or Willow!

Much Ado About Nothing

From The Washington Post:

Politicians do it all the time. Shock jocks, actors and athletes do. Even Bill O’Reilly has done it.

So why can’t David Letterman bring himself to apologize?

In another one of those delicious, you-know-you-love-it-even-as-you-roll-your-eyes media flaps, Letterman has been fending off an aggrieved Sarah Palin after she took offense at several of his late-night cracks.

Palin didn’t rise to the bait when Letterman derided the Alaska governor’s “slutty flight attendant look” on Monday’s show. But she did object when Letterman, satirizing the Palin family’s visit to New York and a Yankees game, said: “There was one awkward moment during the seventh inning stretch. Her daughter was knocked up by Alex Rodriguez.”

Tasteless? Well, everyone seems to agree about that. Beyond that, you’ll get an argument.

Original movie poster.

Whiny and Cheesy Party

From Jezebel:

Call the wahmbulence! In a new interview with noted douchebag John Ziegler, Sarah Palin whines about, among other things, Katie Couric […], Keith Olbermann and Tina Fey.

Original movie poster.

Just Like Dr. Pepper, So Misunderstood! Part II

Continuing our look at the Dr. Pepper/Princess ad campaign.

Kids, I thought we would take a few moments and remember some of the highlights of Princess Sarah’s run for the veep job. Let’s start at the beginning, the reason she was picked. From The National:

Phoenix // Some say John McCain had the decks stacked against him. Others say he ran an erratic campaign. Many believe the Republican Party has simply lost touch with moderate Americans.

A day after Barack Obama and the Democratic Party gave the Republicans an ample drubbing, winning the White House and majorities in both houses of Congress, Republicans were picking up the pieces, trying to figure out what went wrong and where to go from here.

…snip…

Political scientists said the ordinarily moderate Mr McCain had pandered too heavily to the religious right, reversing his earlier positions on ethical issues such as abortion and choosing Sarah Palin, a Pentecostal Christian, as his running mate.

Original ad.