Brand Spankin’ Ewww!

Hey kids, sorry, but just another old American Street post. Oh well, it’s kinda fun to see what was going on a while back and remind ourselves when the present troubles in this country really started. Besides, I miss Larry Craig. This post is from May 20, 2008.

Brand Spankin’ Ewww!

Hey, kids! Did you hear that the Republicans are a bit worried about their party these days (well, except for John Boo-Hoo Boehner)? I’ll let Tom Davis (R-VA) tell you about it:

The House Republican brand is so bad right now that if it were a dog food, they’d take it off the shelf.


More from Rep. Davis…

It’s no mystery. You have a very unhappy electorate, which is no surprise, with oil at $108 a barrel, stocks down a few thousand points, a war in Iraq with no end in sight and a president who is still very, very unpopular. He’s just killed the Republican brand.

Well, kids, you know that I am always ready to help out our friends on the other side of the aisle. If they need a new brand, I will help them look!

Since the right seems to be a bit disappointed in Chimpy their president, maybe they should turn to the guy next in line. Maybe he can make people think of virility and openness and honesty. After all, like Mike Huckabee said, the brand is damaged, but…

…people don’t buy the brand, they buy the cereal: they’re not buying Kellogg’s, they’re buying Frosted Flakes.


Hmmmm, I don’t see many people lining up for this cereal. It will only remind them that cereal that may help reduce the risk of heart disease might be the only health care this administration might be willing to support. Let’s keep going.

We know that the Republicans just love the religious angle, and since cleanliness is next to godliness, then maybe they need a product that evokes a new start. Something that might have been unclean, but is now renewed and unsullied. I have the perfect product!


Uh-oh! This isn’t going to work either. Sooner or later, someone is going to look really closely, and the real identity of the guy in the boat will come out be discovered.


We know that the Republicans are known as the family values people, and we don’t want to vitteroops! I mean fritter that reputation away! And with someone who is 71 years old running at the top of the ticket, maybe an infusion of something youthful might help!


Or maybe not.

Perhaps we need to go in another direction. Maybe we need to show all the good things about Republicans. For example, how much respect they have for women


Okay, maybe not that. Maybe we should try another cereal.


Oh, crap. Kids, I don’t think any of these are gonna work. Maybe you can come up with something that will.


Filed under Advertising, Chimpy, David Vitter, Dick Cheney, George W. Bush, humor, Iraq War, Jack Abramoff, John Boehner, John McCain, Larry Craig, Mike Huckabee, parody, politics, religion, Republicans, snark, Tom Davis, Wordpress Political Blogs

2 responses to “Brand Spankin’ Ewww!

  1. Hey, this is about where I got on!

    If nothing else, at least we got rid of Senator Wide Stance (and Chimpy disappeared on his own), even if the rest of the GOPasaurs are still around.