It’s Just Batty!


A press conference intended to publicize sexual assault claims against special counsel Robert Mueller collapsed in spectacular fashion on Thursday, after the pro-Trump operatives behind the event failed to demonstrate a grasp of even basic details about their accuser or explain why they had repeatedly lied about their project.

Mueller has asked the FBI to investigate the effort from publicity-hungry Washington lobbyist Jack Burkman and pro-Trump Twitter personality Jacob Wohl, which has been dogged by accusations that they offered women money to accuse Mueller of sexual misconduct.

I was able to get a picture of Burkman and Wohl leaving the press conference:

batman and robin

Original image

But the prospect of an FBI investigation was the least of Wohl and Burkman’s problems on Thursday.

Throughout their 45-minute press conference, the two men repeatedly contradicted themselves and each other, giving cryptic non-answers that convinced approximately zero people in attendance that their allegations were anywhere close to the truth.


After initially promising that the accuser, a fashion designer named Carolyne Cass, would appear alongside them, Burkman and Wohl appeared to changedtheir minds by the time reporters assembled inside the dimly lit Holiday Inn in Rosslyn, Virginia.


Without an in-person accuser, Wohl and Burkman instead offered a signed affidavit from her that claimed Mueller raped her in a New York hotel room on August 2, 2010.

No other evidence was given, aside from a print out Wohl had distributed that noted Mueller had been in New York on August 5, 2010—left unsaid: that was three days after the alleged attack.

Additionally, they accused Mueller’s team of “leaking” Washington Post story that undermined their tale. The report showed Mueller was in Washington on August 2 serving a jury duty summons.

Kids, there was so much shit going on at this so-called news conference, that you have to read the whole thing and as many other accounts as you can find. And as you read the entire article and all the things that went poorly for Burkman and his little sidekick, keep in mind that the entire time, Burkman’s fly was open (I kid you not!!!) and his Batman Underoos were showing. On the right side, the open fly did cement the fact that Burkman really doesn’t have anything to hide.


Filed under parody, snark, humor, politics, television, Robert Mueller, FBI, Republicans, satire, Wordpress Political Blogs

8 responses to “It’s Just Batty!

  1. the rub

    i guess the lack of a bulge zips up this reality tv life we’re forced to live in. good grief!

    • Loonietic!
      It keeps getting better…or worse. The little sidekick, Jacob Wohl, at the same time he was trying to frame Mueller, was busy ripping off a homeless woman. She paid $1200 to his phony company, Surefire Intelligence,to recover damages for a Hummer she said was stolen and that she had been living in for 2 years since her divorce. She was told that the company would get her tens of thousands of dollars from the guy who stole the truck. She spoke to the managing partner, Matthew Cohen, who doesn’t exist. It was really the little shit. They were supposed to meet, but the little shit didn’t show up. Later on, the lady’s boyfriend saw the news and recognized the Surefire name. The little shit must have realized he was in deep doo-doo, and he emailed the lady saying that he was settling with the truck robber for about $20K. If he didn’t get the money by Friday, he would return her $1200 plus 30% for her trouble. I hope the lady is not holding her breath. She told him that she was going to press charges once she found out about his history, and he said that he would talk to her when he got back to town. He never called her. Later on, he told the press that the lady is a liar. He said that she actually sold the Hummer to the guy and was trying to rip him off. No explanation how he got a $20K settlement for a truck that was sold.

      Yeah, just like open-fly Burkman said, the little shit is a regular Mozart!

  2. This astonishingly stupid episode can only be the result of wingnuts believing their own propaganda. They really believe this stuff about the Kavanaugh accusations being ginned up out of nothing and everybody who speaks out against them being paid by George Soros, so they figured it would be easy to do the same themselves and get away with it.

    I like the Devil horns, but Satan’s evil is normally a lot more competently executed than this scam. (Actually, almost everything in the world is a lot more competently executed than this scam.) And of course Burk-Man has no time to zip up his fly while being chased by that FBI car. I guess a career on the fringes of the lunatic internet wasn’t lucrative enough to keep up the payments on the Burk-mobile.

    So many times the wingnuts remind me of Voltaire’s comment that he had only ever made one prayer in his life — “Lord, make my enemies ridiculous” — and that God had granted it.

    • Infidel,

      These guys are what you get when you cross James O’Keefe with The Three Stooges. At the next press conference, Yakety Sax from Benny Hill has to be playing the entire time.

      Satan is much more competent than these two buffoons. Remember, dadadadadadadadada Burkman is just playing at being Satan or Batman or whomever, just like they are playing at being hotshots in politics and finance. I remember seeing dadadadadadadadada Burkman on talking head shows years and years ago. He was always conservative and a bit fringy, but he wasn’t dadadadadadadadada Batshit crazy back then, at least from what I remember.

      I think Voltaire would have been very, very happy with these two as enemies.

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  4. xmegatron

    Jacob wohl Is a bitch and so are the rest of you conservatives 😆😆😆😆 HAA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAAAA.

  5. xmegatron

    You say anything back and I’ll beat your punkasses. I live in cretaceous XE