MAGAzine Guide for Impeachment Week 2

Hey kids, here’s a Raisin public service announcement. Here’s some info on Impeachment, Week guide

Original magazine cover

Click on image for larger version

Here’s the schedule for today (Tuesday):

Hearing begins at 9 a.m. ET. Witnesses are National Security Council staffer Lt. Col. Alex Vindman and Jennifer Williams, aide to Mike Pence, Kurt Volker, former ambassador and envoy to Ukraine, and Tim Morrison, White House aide with the NSC.

From NBC News:

Vindman, a decorated lieutenant colonel in the Army and the top Ukraine expert on the NSC. In his closed-door deposition, he testified that some details had been omitted from the White House reconstruction of the call between Trump and Zelenskiy, including that Zelenskiy had mentioned Burisma, the company [Hunter] Biden worked for.


Williams, the Pence adviser, told impeachment investigators that she thought it was “unusual and inappropriate” that Trump had asked Zelenskiy to investigate the Bidens and whether the Democratic National Committee’s computer server was in Ukraine.


Volker, a longtime diplomat who resigned his post as envoy to Ukraine after being named in a whistleblower report, has testified that he thought Trump was being fed “a negative narrative” on Ukraine by his personal lawyer, Rudy Giuliani. He also said he did not believe there was a connection between the aid and the president’s desire for “investigations” — but he did acknowledge a link between investigations and a White House visit for Zelenskiy.

Morrison, who resigned from NSC last month, told investigators he thought there was “nothing illegal” about Trump’s call with Zelenskiy, but was worried that if details of conversation leaked out, they could harm the U.S.-Ukraine relationship. He also testified that Gordon Sondland, the U.S. ambassador to the European Union, told a Ukrainian official on Sept. 1 that what “could help them move the aid was if the prosecutor general would go to the mic and announce that he was opening the Burisma investigation.”

Wednesday: Hearing begins at 9 a.m. ET. Morning witness will be Gordon Sondland, guy who paid Twitler a million bucks in order to get an ambassadorship, and who is now up to his eyeballs in shit for lying under oath. He knows all about the shadow foreign polcy that included Rudy Giuliani and his buddies, Lev and Igor. Afternoon witnesses are Laura Cooper, deputy assistant secretary of Defense who oversaw Ukraine policy and Russia and will testify about the security aid to the country being frozen, and David Hale, undersecretary of State. He knew that Ambassador Marie Yovanovitch was going to be recalled and that Rudy Giuliani had a major part in her dismissal.

Thursday: Hearing begins at 9 a.m. Witnesses will be Fiona Hill and David Holmes. Hill is the former National Security Council official who went to John Bolton and told him about Giuliani’s involvement in Ukraine (what Bolton called a “drug deal”) and then reported her concerns to NSC lawyer John Eisenberg. Holmes is a late addition to the witness list. He’s the diplomat who overheard Sondland’s telephone conversation with Twitler about President Volodymyr Zelensky digging up dirt on Joe Biden and his son, Hunter. He will also testify that President Zelensky was going to go through with a CNN interview in which he was going to announce the investigation.

Here is a list of committee members (in case you need help identifying some of those pictured in the poster):

Chairman Adam Schiff CA
Andre Carson IN
Joaquin Castro TX
Val Demings FL
Denny Heck WA
Jim Himes CT
Raja Krishnamoorthi IL
Sean Patrick Maloney NY
Mike Quigley IL
Terri Sewell AL
Jackie Speier CA
Eric Swalwell CA
Peter Welch VT


Rank…I mean, Ranking Member and Bitch Boy #3 (going from left to right) Devin Nunes CA

Mike Conaway (Bitch Boy #5)
Jim “Gym” Jordan OH (Worstula)
John Ratcliffe TX (Bitch Boy #4)
Elise Stefanik NY (The Little Slurmaid)
Chris Stewart UT (Bitch Boy #2)
Michael Turner OH (Bitch Boy #1)

Not pictured are Brad Wenstrup OH (who made absolutely no impression on me at the last hearing, so he never entered my consciousness) and Will Hurd TX who might have been too embarrassed to show up for the cover shoot.

Pop the popcorn, Raisinettes! It’s going to be a helluva week!



Filed under Adam Schiff, Defense Department, House Intelligence Committee, humor, Impeachment, Joe Biden, John Bolton, Magazines, parody, politics, Republicans, Rudy Giuliani, Russia, satire, snark, State Department, Vladimir Putin, Wordpress Political Blogs

6 responses to “MAGAzine Guide for Impeachment Week 2

  1. therub

    in the meantime, the boss pardoned three military war criminals and may pardon roger stone. in addition, he showed up at walter reed hospital unexpectedly to see if he still has a heart. the irregular beat goes on . . .

    • Decent members of the military will not look kindly upon war criminals being pardoned. In a way, the Rethugs should be happy, because the impeachment hearings are distracting us from the fact that Bill Barr is setting himself up to be impeached himself as well as disbarred. I bet there are a lot of other stories about the mob boss and his thugs that we aren’t hearing about along with his being rushed to the hospital for the syphilis that finally caught up with him (some people are saying, and isn’t that good enough these days?).

      As for pardoning the mobsters, pardons are a double-edged sword. If Twitler pardons Stone or Sondland or any of the other thugs, they can no longer plead the Fifth if they are called to testify under oath. They have to answer questions truthfully or they can be charged with perjury. This Justice Department might not act, but Bill Barr won’t be AG forever, and the Statute of Limitations for perjury is 5 years.

  2. “The Little Slurmaid” is the best part of this. That deserves to become a permanent nickname. And Davy Jones’s locker room is really scary with Gym Jordan hanging around. I didn’t realize Jordan also shared Trump’s tiny-hand syndrome.

    Giuliani’s looking pretty red there, but I guess he’s a self-cooking lobster. It’s a little hard to imagine Sondland riding a horse, unless it was one of those coin-operated ones they used to have outside stores to amuse kids. I would have labeled the broom as Stefanik’s personal transportation, though maybe it would clash with the mermaid reference.

    At the moment the impeachment show seems unlikely to reach an audience size that would justify a cover story, but we’ll see.

    • The idea that originally popped into my head was Who would ever think that C-Span would have a sweeps week? So, off I went to look for an image about Sweeps Week. I found this TV Guide cover, and I liked it. As often happens, my original thoughts were completely undone by the limitations (or opportunity, for the optimists), and my thoughts had to go in a different direction. The Little Slurmaid was the most fun part, and I toyed with the idea of scrapping this and going full Mermaid. However, that would leave out too many thugs, and this was the result. Gym Jordan was originally Flounder, the yellow fish. While the name might be descriptive of Gym (I confess I didn’t know the fish’s name until right now when I googled it), he looked way too sweet to be Gym. I thought of evil Ursula, and the rest is history. I didn’t make note of the tiny hands, but I’m glad you did, because now I like it even more. Maybe the Little Slurmaid will make a return visit soon. Rudy is actually a crab, not a lobster, thought I would love to see him thrown into a pot of boiling water.

      Sondland’s horse is actually stuffed, just like his ego when he sat and made sure that everyone in the restaurant knew he was on the phone with Twitler. Even though the horse is stuffed, it still reeks of horseshit and should be on display, on a rotating basis, in all of his Provenance Hotels.

      I think the broom is a metaphor for the Rethugs sweeping things under the rug as well as their desperate “Witch Hunt” theme. Maybe they can use it to sweep some forests, too, to prevent fires.

  3. Love the depictions of the repubs. Honestly you are better than many comic strip artists. Keep them coming. I do wonder how long it takes you to create a post such as this one.

    • Thanks, Yvonne. Glad you like the poster. This one had so many different parts to it that it took a few hours, not counting how long it took to find the original. The average poster usually takes a couple of hours. This one probably took 5 or many more, because I had to search for all those faces with the right expressions facing in the right directions. Still, it was fun.