Poisoned apples? That’s what happens when you abolish the FDA.

Hey, kids, did you see the debate last night?  If you didn’t, I’ll tell you in a nutshell what happened.  Forgive me if I missed some of the visual stuff, because they panned the New Hampshire audience, and I was temporarily blinded by the glaring whiteness.

It started with a kid-off.  For some reason, Rethugs think that having more kids and grandkids means that you’re more qualified to be president.   Everyone bashed the Affordable Care Act (a/k/a ObamaCare) and talked about jobs, jobs, jobs, even though none of them had any plans to create any other than the usual tax cuts.  The Ken doll Mittsie just stood around in his lucky magic underwear within his invisible shield, where nobody could wound him.  Timmeh was so chicken, Sue Lowden could have bartered him for a colonoscopy.  When asked about his remark about ObamneyCare, he froze like a deer in headlights and danced away backward from that remark as quick as you could say Ginger Rogers.


Original movie poster
(Click on image and then on that for larger version)


1. Sarah Palin
2. Michele Bachmann
3. Tim Pawlenty
4. Rick Santorum
5. Newt Gingrich
6. Mitt Romney
7. Herman Cain
8. Ron Paul
9. Rick Perry
10. Jon Huntsman

Herman Cain continued his bigoted anti-Muslim rant.  Rick Santorum made sure everyone knows that he’s totally and completely and without even a shadow of a doubt, against abortion with no exceptions whatsover even though his wife had one.  Then he bled from his hands and feet.  Ron Paul was Ron Paul.  Batshit Bachmann stole the show, first by announcing that she’s running, declaring that Barack Obama will be a one-term president, saying that gay marriage laws should be up to individual states, and then saying she’d pass a federal marriage law saying marriage would be only between a man and a woman.  You figure it out, I can’t.  She said other stuff, but I missed it, because I was so distracted by the fact that her eyebrows never moved.  I might have to change her name to Botox Batshit Bachmann.  Her main accomplishment was standing under the hot lights without her trowel-applied makeup sloughing off.  Oh, and Newt Gingrich was there.  Most talking heads agree that Mittsie was the big winner, followed by Batshit Bachmann.  The biggest losers were Princess Sarah (who has been replaced by Batshit Bachmann) and Timmeh, who looked like a total wuss.  Of course, Jon Mr. Excitement Huntsman is going to announce and try to be Mittsie Light.  The big game-changer might be if and when Governor Little Ricky Goodhair decides to enter the race.  One disastrous Texas governor wasn’t enough for some people.

When all was said and done, I have a feeling what most in the audience were really thinking…
Original image

32 Comments

Filed under abortion, Barack Obama, humor, Mitt Romney, movies, New Hampshire, Newt Gingrich, parody, politics, Republicans, Rick Santorum, Ron Paul, Ronald Reagan, Sarah Palin, snark, Texas, Wordpress Political Blogs

32 responses to “Poisoned apples? That’s what happens when you abolish the FDA.

  1. so who will be the first to find my favorite new gag?

  2. Friend of the court

    i had to avert my eyes.

  3. John Erickson

    I love giving Cain the pizza cutter instead of a shovel. Though I have to argue with one thing you said, You stated you’d tell us what happened last night “in a nutshell”.
    Shouldn’t that be “nutcase”? :D
    And is that a teabag dangling from Bachmann’s hand, or is the bat pooping it out? (EW!)
    And if you need something other than Wonder for the white bread, you can use Holsum, the brand that had an outlet store two blocks from where I used to live in the Chicago suburbs.

    • you found my favorite new gag, john! i was hoping that someone would recognize the pizza cutter. :D

      that is a teabag dangling from botox batshit bachmann’s hand, and there are more hanging from ron paul’s pinwheel. i changed the name of the bread from wonder to just white. it’s easier to read that way.

  4. Sara

    what’s with the hair color box?

  5. Oh no … even the Newtster with a #3! Well done. From what I heard today, I’m glad I didn’t watch – so thanks for confirming my choice. Meanwhile, this art my be one of my favs … so much going on. Thanks for the comment about the hair color box because I was thinking “who is that?” :) Well done Nonnie.

    • you didn’t make a mistake by not watching. it wasn’t a debate. they agreed on almost everything, and there was no drama other than timmeh pissing his pants when he got called out on obamneycare.

      glad you like the poster. i had a completely different movie almost done last night, but i hated it the entire time i worked on it. i saw the snow white poster the other day while looking for something else, and i made a mental note that i really want to use it one day. i remembered it this afternoon, and instead of doing my grocery shopping, i was working on it.

  6. Hi I did not watch the debacle, I mean debate, but caught a clip of Rom Paul, coming off like Mr Magoo. The questions asked was should an illegal alien be able to get medical care in a hospital.
    He bounced around like a shiny ball pitched about in a pinball machine…. he rattled on about the catholic church & it’s historic role, the war budget… the moderator had to remind him… Sir can you answer the question??

    I just heard Batshit Bachmann say something to the effect “I will not rest until Obamacare is repealed”.

    I thought about doing a post titled no doze for Bachmann.

    On the Dem side the overview is they have no actual platform, just to get Obama out of office. I find it really childish that they refer to health care reform as “Obamacare”, like little brats calling names.

    Can we at least have adult conversations?

    The little glimmer of progress we got for health care reform… is no where near Single Payer or getting the for profiteers out of the health care picture.

    So to brag about how many foster kids she helped raise (so what does the State pay for those kids health care, or did she win the lottery???

    Anyway.. I hate that this process drags on for all this time.

    • no, the rethugs cannot have a civil respectful conversation. just the fact that they continually say democrat party instead of democratic makes them sound not only nasty, but stupid, too. democrat is not an adjective. every time i see one of the more liberal talking heads letting the rethugs get away with that, it boils my blood. i would explain the rules of grammar to them.

      the debate was a joke. it wasn’t even a debate. it was cnn giving the rethugs a tongue bath.

      i found this at wonkette a few weeks ago (it’s from 2006):

      […] Minnesota pays $30 a day, tax free, per foster kid.

      “So if Bachmann has fostered 23 children, let’s say for an average of five years, that would come out to a non-taxable $1,259,250

      by the way, she only took in teenage girls, some of them pregnant. apparently, she didn’t trust her homo-curing hubby around young boys. not only did she get this socialist money from the state, but the kids got socialized medical care. her family gets farm subsidies. she’s a friggin’ welfare queen!!! :lol:

      • Wow! She kind of did win the lottery!
        I know the term “Obamacare” is here to stay, but I cringe every time I hear it.
        The misuse of “Democrat” is like making the word “Liberal” a dirty word.
        The actual definition is rather positive.

        lib·er·al   
        [lib-er-uhl, lib-ruhl] Show IPA
        –adjective
        1.
        favorable to progress or reform, as in political or religious affairs.
        2.
        ( often initial capital letter ) noting or pertaining to a political party advocating measures of progressive political reform.
        3.
        of, pertaining to, based on, or advocating liberalism.
        4.
        favorable to or in accord with concepts of maximum individual freedom possible, especially as guaranteed by law and secured by governmental protection of civil liberties.
        5.
        favoring or permitting freedom of action, especially with respect to matters of personal belief or expression: a liberal policy toward dissident artists and writers.
        6.
        of or pertaining to representational forms of government rather than aristocracies and monarchies.
        7.
        free from prejudice or bigotry; tolerant: a liberal attitude toward foreigners.
        8.
        open-minded or tolerant, especially free of or not bound by traditional or conventional ideas, values, etc.
        9.
        characterized by generosity and willingness to give in large amounts: a liberal donor.
        10.
        given freely or abundantly; generous: a liberal donation.
        11.
        not strict or rigorous; free; not literal: a liberal interpretation of a rule.
        12.
        of, pertaining to, or based on the liberal arts.

        To call someone a “liberal” is quite the compliment. Eh?

        • Sara

          fran,
          isn’t it amazing how the word “liberal” has become an epithet? we can thank the republicans for the dumbing down of America and this is their intended result. keep ‘em stupid and you can convince them of anything.

      • Theo

        I haven’t read the Wonkette article, but I did read a posting at a blog early this morning about Bachmann’s foster care. She had a license for only 7 years, she got paid as your quote shows, and a spokesman for the child welfare services said that children may be in foster care for a week, six months, or a couple of years, and a foster parent may have several children in their care at one time. Consequently, Bachmann wasn’t in the business (and I use that word for her) long enough to actually “raise” a child (especially if they were teenage girls). Also, her husband is a real nut-case – claims to cure “teh gay”.

        (Arrived at your wonderful blog via Crooks and Liars; love the pictures!)

        • hello theo,

          welcome to the raisin! :D

          botox batshit bachmann is a legend in her own mind, and i suspect her hubby has the same mindset. they didn’t “raise” 23 foster kids. all of them were pregnant teenagers. she never answered the question as to whether she ever used them as babysitters. what i want to know is where are all of them? i haven’t heard of any of them coming out to say what wonderful people the bachmanns were and how good they were to the foster kids. if there was one, you can bet your bottom dollar that bbb would be parading her around.

          i am very grateful to crooks & liars (and my buddy tengrain and fran, too) for getting you over here. i hope that you’ll stop by often, theo. you’ll find the raisinettes a very fun and very smart bunch. :D

  7. Only 17 more months of this crap to endure. I’m going to go out on a limb here and predict that Willard will pick Huntsman for VP. Two sets of magic panties are powerfull magic, impossible to overcome. Oh, and the comments are getting stuck in the box again after posting.

    • there’s no way mittsie picks huntsman. i don’t think it will get to that, though, if governor little ricky goodhair gets in the race. mittsie is so disliked. i don’t ever remember the frontrunner being so slimed so early.

  8. I see Romney already has a Mattel sticker, but I doubt these toys would sell.

    The two little tweety-birds on the right are probably debating which dolt’s head they should be fluttering around.

    I guess Ron Paul wins since he has the most teabags (on his pinwheel).

    • the only reason the ken doll ever sold was because of barbie. maybe batshit bachmann got all that botox so she can be mittsie’s barbie. then i can call her botox batshit barbie bachmann. say that 3 times fast. :wink:

  9. This poster sums the debate up perfectly!!!

    I didn’t know about the Santorums’ abortion episode. I can’t think of a more heinous thing than to know the suffering a woman goes through in deliberating her life or the life of the baby she’s carrying and knowingly wanting the woman to be left with no options except her own death. I think Santorum out-batshits everyone and out-evils them all.

    • i didn’t know about the santorum abortion story either until someone at the big orange linked to it. the way they always told the story, the baby was stillborn. the whole thing was just disturbing. they wrapped up the aborted fetus to show it to their young children and to have family pictures taken. so sick!! they should have been reported for child abuse.

  10. When asked about his remark about ObamneyCare, he froze like a deer in headlights and danced away backward from that remark as quick as you could say Ginger Rogers.

    Ahahaha I love your take on this “debate.”

    Wait. :shock: You mean Zombie Reagan isn’t running???

  11. You goofed. There are two candidates that have doctorates, Gingrich with a Ph.D. and Paul with an M.D. yet you didn’t make either of them Doc. Gingrich would have made the better Doc; that way you could have made Paul Dopey!

    • did you see the so-called debate? newtie had to be grumpy! :x any of them could have been dopey. :P which one is doc, anyway? the one with the glasses, i’m guessing. mittsie doctored his voter’s registration in massachusetts, so it still works. that’s my story, and i’m sticking to it.

      • Nah, missed it. I think I was working, so I couldn’t have watched it anyway. Yes, Doc is the one with glasses. I’m not surprised Mittens is lying about his residence, but as long as he’s not registered to vote anywhere else, it looks like the local authorities aren’t going to do anything about it.

        • you didn’t miss anything.

          where the hell are the democrats to scream at the top of their lungs about voter fraud? this is the perfect opportunity to point out the scam that voter fraud really is as an issue while skewering mittsie at the same time. oh, i forgot. they were too busy throwing anthony weiner under the bus.

  12. Well, at least the Dems (Dims) are doing something.

    meh

    Thanks, for your brilliant reporting!

    S

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