I’m sure by now you kids have heard that Eddie Mun…I mean, Paul Ryan has decided that he will not seek reelection and will leave his position as Speaker of the House at the end of his term in January. He gave a heartwarming statement, interrupted by the tears of his fellow Rethuglicans and the dancing of Kevin McCarthy who thinks he has a shot at the speakership. Here are snippets from Munst…I mean Ryan’s speech:
“You realize something when you take this job, it is not a job that lasts forever. You realize you hold the office for just a small part of our history, so had you better make the most of it and make the lives of the elderly, the poor and the disabled as miserable as possible while pandering to rich donors, corporations and all the lobbying firms that will be offering me lucrative jobs in February.
“More importantly, it has recently come to my attention that I have a wife and three children in Wisconsin. I don’t want to be just a weekend dad. There is simply no way to manage to have time with
the Koch brothers my family and force them to read every book written by Ayn Rand when the House is in session an average of 138 days a year.”
Don’t worry about Edd…Paul Ryan, kids. Look how well John Boohoo Boehner is doing in his new budding career!