This Just In: Intestinal Fartitude

And by this just in, I mean the camera attached to a tube (Hey, Ted Stevens!!! A tube!! A tube!!!) that was inserted into that asshole’s asshole George W. Bush’s intestinal tract when he had his colonoscopy. The test started later than expected. The first complication was that Bush took a strong laxative in preparation for the test and promptly began to melt away. When he was stabilized, the doctors kept mistakenly putting the scope into Bush’s mouth, unable to tell the difference as to which end was which, because the same foul discharge seems to come from both. When they finally started the procedure, they discovered that the NSA had already put a probe in Mr. Bush’s rectum.
Usually, there is a 48-72 hour wait for the results, but I just happened to have a little “inside” information. Not only do I have a snapshot of what the doctors saw, but breaking news as well! We now know exactly where Dick Cheney’s undisclosed location has always been! Here is the colonoscopic evidence:

Shouldn’t they be more concerned over what is in Michael Chertoff’s intestines rather than Chimpy’s?
In a related story, for several hours, all presidential powers were transferred to Dick Cheney, and the entire country had the shits just thinking about it.
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On a serious note, cancer screenings of any kind are not a joke. I wish everyone could afford the testing and medical care that Chimpy and Cheney and Gutsy Chertoff receive.